First week at Ellerslie

Typically I am able to write about anything but I am at a loss for words in describing our time at Ellerslie. Maybe because I tend to get stuck in a people pleasing mode and try to think about my audience and what each one of you might think about what I say. If I were simply writing in a journal the pages would be full but how do I communicate this to you all?

First of all, we are deeply enjoying our time at Ellerslie. Nothing could have been better for our grieving sprits than how the Lord orchestrated for us to come here. So at the beginning I just want to say that we are all doing fantastically well and full of the joy of the Lord and basking in his presence.

I suppose the most impactful thing for us as a family is how closely Eric Ludy’s teaching, personality and style mirrors Gary’s. It’s been a very “Twilight Zone” type of thing as Nathaniel, Bethany and I sit in the sessions and hear the teaching. This may seem weird or even emotionally unhealthy to some. But we aren’t trying to make Eric into “dad” in some sick distorted way but we are enjoying so deeply the common bond in the Spirit that we loved so much about the years with our beloved dad and husband.

I feel certain that this kindred Spirit connection is for some yet unseen purpose. We don’t know what this is but God has been blessing us tremendously within our time here.

Something that I just read in an A.W. Tozer book seems to be what God is telling me at the beginning of this semester at Ellerslie: “Now Moses is dead and lest the young Joshua be struck down with despair God spoke to assure him, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you.” Nothing had changed and nothing had been lost. Nothing of God dies when a man of God dies.”

This hit me in profound ways and seems to be the message that God is speaking to me right now. I think because Gary was such a valiant man of God that it has been difficult for the three of us to not despair in our spiritual life because of the loss of our spiritual father. We did not rely upon Gary because Gary always pointed us towards the Father. He was adamant about teaching all of us to seek God on our own, to listen for the voice of God and always obey. Yet, because of the strength and the intimacy of marriage and family, the loss of Gary somehow has felt as though we have also lost a part of God. This passage in this book really ministered to me and has been the type of thing that God has been doing in my heart as his presence sweeps over my spirit.

For me personally I have been especially floundering because in my very being my calling before God had been to be a servant to my husband, specifically to be a servant to Gary in His ministry of the Word. My very being was wrapped up into praying for my husband, serving him and ministering to him so that he could minister to others. Without that calling and focus I have felt suddenly (very suddenly) lost and unsure of what my role is in ministry as well as in my home.

I am still very unclear about that but being a part of Ellerslie right now is helping me to see that the passion of teaching that I was accustomed to did not die along with my husband. That God is on the throne and “Nothing has changed and nothing has been lost (in Christ) and nothing of God dies when a man of God dies.”

The schedule at Ellerslie is very intense and Nathaniel and Bethany are soaking it up. We have early morning prayer (5:30 on some mornings!) Personal Bible study and prayer time, corporate “stillness” where we just sit in God’s presence quietly, and then there are two teaching sessions. There is a morning two hour teaching session and an afternoon two hour teaching session. I am so thankful that my kiddos were accustomed to listening to Gary teach them for hours at a time and in their hunger for God they soaked it all up and always wanted more. They are totally prepared for intensely seeking God and hearing his word taught! What a huge blessing this is in their lives. After the morning and afternoon sessions we have a break and then dinner and then evening reading assignments. We are busy but in a very peaceful and non-stressful way.

Nathaniel has been mostly staying in the guy’s dorm with his roommates. He is rooming with a dad and his 17 year old son, so the placement is good. At first it was painful for him to be rooming with a dad and his teen son, the felt loss and contrast to what this son has and what Nathaniel has lost was clearly evident to his heart. But now that we are settled in he is enjoying the time with his roommates. Bethany and I are roommates, dorm mates, and study session “mates”! J We do miss being with Nathaniel but at his age it is a very good thing for him to not constantly be with little sister and mom. Our dorms are next door to each other so we can visit any time that we like.

The campus environment is very peaceful and very much like home for our family. There is no TV, no radio, no computers, no cell phones and no outward distractions. We are free to be on-line in one of the campus buildings but only from 3-5 pm. Other than that brief time on-line we are in a very unplugged environment, which is mostly the way our family lives day to day anyway, other than more exposure to the internet. For us, it’s like coming home, which is ironic because that is exactly what I was longing for but felt I had to wait patiently through the time at Ellerslie before I would be able to come home! God’s ways are amazing!

Bethany and I have made our dorm room cozy and homey. I bought some pretty towels and a little coffee maker. We even have a nice basket of apples on top of our little refrigerator. I have i-tunes playing worship music softly when we are in our rooms and we even have a well stocked “health pantry” as Nathaniel has accused me of creating! (I suppose if you saw my stack of vitamins, green protein, herbal teas and whole grain organic products you would probably agree!) My “health pantry” is worlds away from the guy’s dorm who is stock piling pizza and chocolate! Bethany and I have a cozy and a nice place to relax and seek the Lord in the quiet of the evenings or the early morning hours.

Any of you all who would like to visit Ellerslie we would love to see you on any Sunday morning for church services at 10 am. They have a regular church that is open to the public so there is a nice mixture of students and church members. We would LOVE to see you all!
Here is the website with information and directions: www.ellerslie.com

I don’t know how often I will write in this blog. Sometimes I am so deeply drawn into writing and other times if I tried to write I would be dragging the words out of my finger tips. So if you don’t hear from me for awhile don’t worry but just rejoice that God is doing deep things within my heart and I simply do not have the time or the release in the spirit to write about the process. Until next time.....all my love, Rachel