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Tonight ended the final journey of the fellowship as I finished the last book in the Tolkien Trilogy "The Lord of The Rings". Something very unusual happened as I read about the return of the Hobbits to the Shire.
I was stunned at how personally their return journey impacted me . It was a very unexpected culmination of my reading this brilliant fantasy novel about Middle Earth. How could I relate to Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Frodo from the Shire?
"Well here we are, just the four of us that started out together," said Merry. "We have left all the rest behind, one after another. It seems almost like a dream that has slowly faded." "Not to me," said Frodo. "To me it feels more like falling asleep".
"They sat with the family in the warm kitchen, and the Cottons asked a few polite questions about their travels, but hardly listed to the answers: they were far more concerned with events in the Shire."
"Well be off with you"! said Rosie. "If You've been looking after Mr. Frodo all this while, what you'd want to leave him for, as soon as things look dangerous?"
This was too much for Sam. It needed a week's answer, or none. He turned away and mounted his pony"
"I am wounded," Frodo answered, wounded and it will never really heal"
"Yes, said Gandalf; for it will be better to ride back three together than one alone. Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are evil".
"At last the three companions turned away, and never again looking back they road slowly homewards; and they spoke no word to one another until they came back to the Shire"
Obviously, Tolkien's writings are powerful and as a skilled author he touches the very heart and soul of the reader, which is exactly what happened as I finished this trilogy.
What effected me the most personally was the attempted return of the fellowship to their normal life and the way that things had been. Not only was the Shire ruined for the fellowship but the fellowship was ruined for the Shire. As Frodo said, it was "like going to sleep" after an incredible, horrendous and wondrous life. I suppose what he was describing was the same as C.S. Lewis "The Last Battle" where their previous life was just the shadow lands, that real life lie in Aslan's country. It seems that this is what Frodo was trying to express. Everything seemed colorless, dull and trivial after all that they had walked through.
Our family is unique in many ways we aren't just returning missionaries and we aren't just a grieving mom and her children, we are both and this makes for an unusual combination.
Also, our family approached going to the mission field very radically and counter to our modern Christian culture. With our pastor and our sending church's blessing, we sold everything that we owned, left our home, our friends, our financial security and our church and set out SITE UNSEEN to the mission field in Southern Mexico. We didn't know the language and we didn't know anyone in the town where we would be living.
We faced enormous challenges from the moment we stepped onto the beautiful Mexican soil. We would have related to the fellowship before Gary died. Therefore, his death was a book in the trilogy of our journey but it wasn't the only book and it wasn't the only battle.
Many times I feel like the above quote from Sam Gamgee when Rosie scolded him for leaving Frodo when things got dangerous.
"This was too much for Sam. It needed a week's answer, or none. He turned away and mounted his pony"
One man recently patted me condescendingly on the back and said, "Rachel, this is a time for you to begin to lean on God and trust him."
Really....?
Many things require a week's answer or none at all, therefore many times I emotionally turn away and mount my pony.
The shire called Colorado looks different. The situations that once scared me seem foolish to me now and the things that once thrilled me seem trivial. Nathaniel, Bethany and I are battle worn, we've been holding our spiritual swords for many years but we have also been strengthened by the battle. We have our swords drawn and our bodies ready for the intensity of life on this fallen planet. Things that would have rocked our world 5 years ago are par for the course now.
I am tremendously grateful that the battles have not given us a hardened heart but simply a strong spiritual perseverance. Actually, the Holy Spirit has softened my heart to the point where I cannot keep the tears back even under average circumstances. God has softened our hearts deeply but has given us a strength, a faith, and a perseverance of spirit that we never had before the trilogy of our life's novel.
"I am wounded," Frodo answered, wounded and it will never really heal" And in that brokenness, God's strength becomes mighty and powerful!
Reading this amazing work by Tolkien, during the past several months, has been deeply meaningful to me. The fellowship was broken in Mexico when Gary died and the three of us have journeyed onward back home to "the shire".
At last the three companions turned away, and never again looking back they road slowly homewards; and they spoke no word to one another until they came back to the Shire.......
